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Thursday, January 17, 2008

Hey yooo..yo..yo...hold up....


Im in a hotel in Singapore right now. I should be sleeping because ive been up the past two days, but my mind won't stop chugging away.

I left Toronto on a flight to Newark, New Jersey with nothing too eventful happening along the way. But, New Jersey was funny. The first thing i noticed was the difference between toronto security officers and the ones working in Newark. The ones in toronto acted very professional, gave me my pat down, did there routine, and it was done. The security crew in Newark was a bunch of kids; A hispanic dude with penciled on facial hair that would make prince proud; a black dude that just kept giggling, and a sassy black woman that resembled Mo'nique a little too well..(No Soul Plane reference intended). The hispanic dude kept saying that I looked like his friend, and kept on calling me by this guys name, while the other guy agreed that I look like him. Mo'nique gave me a little, "Mmm-hmmmm" when I walked through the metal detector, as if by making that sound she lets the world know that shes on top of everything. And hispanic prince kept calling me by his friends name. I'd like to give him a real-raspberry beret.... by cracking his skull open. (I thought that was soo funny at the time)

So, I get on the flight, and I find out its 18 hours. I didn't know why I never bothered to ask, or even look at my ticket prior to this, but I was kind of shocked and scared that I wouldn't be able to do it without having a seizure or panic attack. BTW...Singapore airlines is the best and everyone should take it once in their lives....anyways, I get put beside this nice old lady, who looks over me and says, "All right boy, whats your story?" ....I told her my damage, she told me hers, and that was it...until her gas set in. I swear it was like clockwork. Every half an hour, the most noxious gas would escape her rectum and make its way up my nose...making it nearly impossible to sleep or even live (considering we were in an airtight compartment together). I eventually did fall asleep for I don't know how long. But, i woke up in a panic..and I yelled out, "Harry Nillson sings that song!!!". And old lady beside me asks, "What the hell are you talking about?" The people in the row in front of me also turned around with a disapproving gaze.

So I get to this country, and the airport is wicked. (and not even on a relative scale, considering I just came from the dodgiest airpot in little jersey) I wrote on my customs card that i planned to stay in the country for 40 days. When I gave it to the officer, she laughed and said "you can only stay here for 30 days for a temporary visa...here, Ill just change it." I heard its a federal offence punished by caneing to overstay your visa here, but with customs guards enforcing it like that make caneing seems like a sensual massage. Get my euphemism...sensual.

Oh, I got on the transit, and some guy had horrible poo-breath...but thats not the story. After being on the transit for about 15 minutes, some guy sat beside me and his breath smelt like sawdust and it was awesome. I think that if you are on public transit and someones breath makes your day, then you should publicly say it in front of everyone that this guy has great breath, to both make him feel good and to indirectly let poo-breaths of the world know that they don't belong.

i walked around this morning through a few malls and i saw this magical sign identifying, "Karaoke, Bowling, Cinema...this way"...so I guess I know where I will be spending the majority of my time when im here. However, i want it to be all three at the same time...like im singing footloose....and watching it..all the while picking up spares....actually that sounds pretty shitty. Forget i said anything.

Bye for now....

1 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

nice work! practice your bowling. but don't get too good. it's the only thing i kick-ass at.

January 18, 2008 4:39 PM  

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